Abscenece

I'm currently 166.5.
I hate it. I suck.
I literally had the two worst weeks of my entire life. I know thats really not an excuse, but its true.

1. One of my boyfriends friends killed themselves.
I didn't know her. But seeing him like that really put my life into perspective.

2. The person who ripped my heart out came back for a few days.
When I mean he fucked me up, I mean he fucked me up. I tried to kill myself once he left, I couldn't take it.

3. Boyfriend started cutting.
He tried to hide it, I saw.

4. My best friend E, invited me to smoke some weed with them.
That person who ripped my heart out was there, I yelled at him for being a douchebag.
I also  kissed him on the cheek.
E tried to finger me. =/
I stopped him, but barely.
We kissed.
He called me a tease.

5. Shit piling on me.

6. KIll myself.
Failed.

7. My friend T who lives down the street and has the same eating issues as me is unreachable, she's on a cruise.

And through all this, I ate and ate and ate.
I suck.

I need this weight gone, now.
Semi is soon.
Bikini season is soon.
Shorts, shorts, shorts. :/

I will be 159 for boyfriends birthday. He deserves that,
I will be 150 for the mile run.

I will be lighter, I will be happier

I will be thin. 


I'm starting a new diet.
Its called,


"Stop being a Fatass."

Here's how it goes:

Breakfast: no
Lunch: no
Dinner: Salad: (no dressing)
Snack: Fruit/animal crackers. (only 100 calories)



And if I can get out of dinner, I will.