Freedom

No school for me today. Sick, Sick, Sick. Sick.

I don't want to go.

I don't want to eat.

I want to be alone.

And all I can hear is daddy screaming about a chess set on the phone with stranger.

I hate him. Head hurts so bad.

Boyfriend is going to be grounded when he gets home. I want him to go, I want him to stay.

He lives far, far away, and has the same issues as I do. With love, sex, food, trust. We're both frightened animals clinging to each other. But I do love him, I love him so much it isn't funny, and I always want him near me, but he never is, so we never stop texting, never break our talking, until we're together.

He'll get his phone taken away when he gets home, for grades. I need someone new, someone to attach myself too, someone to love while he's gone. Not love like we love, but love like, I don't decide anything without him. More like Codependency. And its unhealthy, I know, but I can't function without him.

Maybe I'll become codependent on my exercise, on my meal plan.

I was mad at boyfriend yesterday. I ate meat. I know it seems silly, but he always gives long speeches about how eating meat is going to kill humans, and how its bad for you, and I usually agree, meat has far too many calories compared to say, Broccoli.

But I was mad, fuming almost. So I ate some steak tips.

I feel bad that eating meat was my revenge.

But it made me feel better.

Which brings me smoothly to my next point, emotions tied with food.

I want to break all my emotions associated with fat food, because thats why I want the food, because I remember happier times than now.
If I break the mental attachment, I break the craving.

with love,

Piggy.